


Sentience (far more than words can express)

by berrybliss



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: For Moonie!, Gods, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 08:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13947240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrybliss/pseuds/berrybliss
Summary: The god of time and the god of death share an unexpected bond that is shaped by the centuries that pass.And while things change, the feelings remain - seen in a love for all that lives and breathes.[Chapter 2: Alternate Ending]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moontailor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moontailor/gifts).



> Hi moonie! Sorry I didn’t make it in time, but it is never too late for mayuaka uvu. //huggies. This is the third mayuaka fic I attempted to write. What’s ironic is that I didn’t come up with this idea directly. I was researching for an AoKuroKaga fic I was making and found out that Cronus watched over The Isles of the Blessed in some myths, and that somehow gave me some ideas. >:”D  
> *The Isles of the Blessed and Elysium are not strictly synonymous in Greek myth. The Isles are a part of Elysium reserved for those who have chosen to live three times, have been given a chance at life again, and have passed all criteria for the Elysian Fields all three times they were incarnated (Pindar). So it’s kinda like the grand suite of a hotel or smth.  
> Though in mythical portrayals, Cronus is said to watch The Isles of the Blessed (or have a strong connection to it) while Rhadamanthus is believed to rule over Elysium as a whole, I kind of just made Akashi watch the entirety of Elysium in the fic. Of course, my research might not be accurate, so please don’t take my word for it @_@ Also lots of tweaked stuff abt the Underworld here and there. At some point I felt it was too Hercules-esque (like the Disney movie) but some things in that movie were actually true I’m shookt?? HAHAHA  
> Hope you like this <3

Since The Beginning, Mayuzumi has seen people suffer from different fates.

Mayuzumi brings them to the Judgement Pavilion, where they stand trial in front of the god of the underworld – The Arbiter – and his other companions, the Judges. He does not quite stay to watch, the silver bangles on his ankles leaving the sound of chimes in his trail, stirring the otherwise abyssal silence. Outside the halls, the piercing screams of the judged are not heard. What is heard, instead, are the cries of those who swim in the River Styx and the River Acheron.   

But his domain lies not only with humans. He is responsible for the creatures who walk the earth too - some whose deaths are necessary, and some who are mercilessly hunted by humans for sport. They follow him, souls headed to the Isles of the Blessed, because animals cannot be faulted for their nature. They may be cast to the stars to honor the skies of their patron gods and matron goddesses, but the animals that do not have them find their place in Elysium, surrounding its king on a lofty throne. The king holds out his hand, and they lean into his touch, basking in his light.

And Mayuzumi, while clothed with shadows, is approached by a swallow. He holds his hand out to stroke it, but it shies away from his touch. They are never hesitant to touch him before reaching Elysium, but once they do, his very presence taints the landscape.

He keeps his hands concealed by the voluminous sleeves of his pitch black robes. They are the very hands that reach for dead souls, that spirit people away from the plane of the living when it is their time. They are cursed hands.

Mayuzumi is unlikely to forget.

The god of time holds out a hand for him to take, a knowing smile on his face. It’s almost impertinent in nature, and Mayuzumi glares. He will never forget those features branded into his mind, piercing heterochromatic eyes of ruby and gold, and fiery, red hair that is just like the dawn.

“So your eyes are not dead after all.” Akashi muses.

It is the first time Akashi has made an active effort to directly confirm one of his many presumptions.  

Mayuzumi has long since been free of the burden to feel - a guide to the souls of the dead, he has seen history unfold its pages, the fall of heroes and the birth of empires – yet it has not always been so, for there had been a time that he had had a heart that felt strongly. Akashi knows this, has seen this.

Mayuzumi hates him for it. To have given him this burden.

“I don’t need your pity.”

Time only watches from his lofty throne. He sees, but he has not held – Mayuzumi does not like to think that Akashi’s touch would burn him. It won’t. It cannot, for it is unfair. The world is unfair, so it might. Akashi dares him to try, and he looks back to Akashi’s history. He is all-seeing, but he has never experienced.

“Not all gods shoulder the suffering of the world,” Akashi whispers in his ear, “We are not so different, you and I.”

Akashi is as much a prisoner as he is, he then thinks, maybe even more. To see a different million fates is different from being able to touch them, and anyone who is content with that has to be without a heart. Thankfully, Akashi isn’t.

It is the first piece of humanity he glimpses from Akashi Seijuurou. It is far from the last.

* * *

 

The nature of time is not foreign to the gods. Mayuzumi, for one, knows that it is alive - a beast of such a large scale that every detail is significant – and that to control such a thing is a task that requires immense power and emotional readiness.

Yet Akashi seems to make it flow seamlessly, seems to do it as naturally as breathing. Mayuzumi knows there must be something to it, but he doesn’t know what.

“Do you ever get tired of doing that?”

The way the question is phrased seems to confuse Akashi.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Watching people.” Mayuzumi tells him, “Watching people live out their lives and do the things that they do.”

Mayuzumi reflects on it and realizes that it is a meaningless question. Akashi has never shown tiredness. Perhaps it is even a foreign notion that gods do get tired, for it only ever seems that it is but Mayuzumi who gets tired of the days that drag along, while other gods emerge from their affairs unscathed.

It is in that moment that Akashi shows the barest hint of sympathy. Mayuzumi thinks it is a trick of the light, but it is not. 

“There is no use for blaming yourself for the ways of the world.” Akashi says, looking at him meaningfully. “The time that I have been given has made me realize that even when bestowed the godliest of powers, we cannot always bring forth the change that the world needs.”

Mayuzumi can only look at him with disbelief, but Akashi seems perfectly serious. If anything, he seems to stare into Mayuzumi’s soul.

“You are not as empty as you make yourself out to be. Are you led to believe that it is a curse?”

“Maybe,” Mayuzumi shrugs. “But thank you for your honesty.”

Before he can walk through the doors, Akashi stops him with his words. He’s not sitting on the gilded throne anymore. He walks, his white robes swathing behind him.

“Would you be interested in watching a drama with me sometime?”

Mayuzumi stares.

“That’s a peculiar request, isn’t it?”

* * *

 

They find themselves in the Globe Theatre to watch the said play a few days after. Mayuzumi himself is quite fond of drama, mostly because people are quite over the top doing it, and there is the more than occasionally emerging genius that comes from watching such plays. It has gathered quite the large audience, and such cultured entertainment is perhaps what Mayuzumi has yet to live for, even though theoretically, he cannot perish.

The play that is being performed is Hamlet. Since it is summer, the stage is set instead on the south-east corner of the establishment, to provide even the slightest shade for the players. He and Akashi watch from the pit, sitting amidst the throng of standing spectators who are willing to pay a penny to watch. No one sees them nor feels their presence, and it gives them a very close view of the stage.  Akashi’s fingers smooth over a pebble idly as he watches. Mayuzumi knows it isn’t his first time watching a play, but it’s his first time watching it in a playhouse. Still, while his eyes do occasionally wander, Akashi seems preoccupied by the players on the stage.

“Do you know why the Globe Theatre is called that?”

“Q _uod fere totus mundus exerceat histrionem_ —because all the world’s a playground, right?" It is inscribed above the main entrance. 

“It’s not the actual truth.” Akashi says curtly.

“But it’s the answer you’re looking for.”

Akashi does not protest to this. “It was a view popularized by one of Shakespeare’s early biographers, William Oldys. The manuscript he claims to be his source is not true.”

“It isn’t?” It has never been a subject of intrigue to Mayuzumi. There’s always too much going on for him to look into such a fact. Akashi nods.

“Rather, it is a romanticization and glorification, one can say, of the Shakespearean movement, rather than Shakespeare’s own personal intent to have it called The Globe Theatre like the manuscript claims. Oldys saw it fit to give praise to Shakespeare, and what better way to say that the art he has nurtured and flourished is for the world to see and experience?”

“And this happened before _As You Like It_? Wherein ‘all the world is a stage, all men and women merely the players’?”

“No. Almost coincidentally, As You Like It was written in that very same year. It is plausible why people would believe Oldys’ account.”

“What does that make us gods, exactly?”

“It is a matter of perspective. Enjoy the show, Chihiro,” Akashi chides, though not quite scolding, and while his tone is light, there is careful consideration to his words, and his smile is knowing, even reverent, “I am aware that your other counterparts are guiding souls as we speak, but we should not let our inner demons overtake us from making the most out of our time together.”

Because lots of things cross their mind upon hearing that question. Instead of fixating on it or the play, Mayuzumi considers Akashi’s enigma. He seems to appreciate humanity in these moments, his appreciation for genius perhaps cultivated by a learned perception of folly so prevalent in their lives.

Gods cannot control life. It is known.

“Why did you have me watch the play with you?”

“I am trying to solve a question of mine.”

“You have an awful lot of questions.”

“I was thinking,” Akashi says, “If I was fond of you, or the idea of you.”

“Should I be relieved?”

“That remains to be known, but you are quite the delight, Chihiro.”

Mayuzumi is not quite sure who is the inventor of sarcasm, but to him, it will always be Akashi.

“So why watch it with me, of all gods?”

“Because I find that you are worth my time.” Akashi gives him a meaningful look, “And do wonders for company.”

Mayuzumi scowls. “Are we watching the play or not?”

“We are.”

Akashi doesn’t distract him with conversation after that.

But he’s still distracted, and there’s a smile creeping into his face. It’s not meant for Akashi to see. 

It’s not the last time they talk to each other like so.

It’s not the last time Akashi almost makes Mayuzumi smile against his better judgment.

* * *

 

And there are bad times too. _War._ It ravages all sorts of towns, rattles the world and sends it into complete disarray. Planes fly across the sky with the threat of bombs, and Mayuzumi stands in the midst of it all, slightly paler than usual, a silver shadow in the middle of a city engulfed in ash.

He is in many places all at once, but it doesn’t change how his eyes look as dead as can be as he takes in the sight before him. Save for pain, he feels all that they feel. Just because he is immune to pain, it does not mean the wails do not pierce him.

A man falls to his feet with misty eyes, mumbling incoherently. He had crawled to him, his legs seemingly bitten off by some creature, but Mayuzumi digresses. The man’s wife scurries to his side, and tries to pull him from Mayuzumi.

“There’s nothing there-“

“She is calling me- let me see her, my daughter-“

And the wife starts crying too - out of desperation, out of helplessness. Mayuzumi starts walking forward, unable to unsee the man’s thread of life, fragile and about to break, the will to live vastly thinned.

 Mayuzumi doesn’t seek Akashi for those six years. He only reaches the doors of the Underworld and the moment he does, turns away, watching the war unfold, leaving the Judges to their duty. The Fates are absolute, and even the gods follow their word. They sense Mayuzumi’s restlessness – the woman’s cries echo in his mind.

_“Even when bestowed the godliest of powers, we cannot always bring forth the change that the world needs.”_

“I know that, idiot.”

If everything is predetermined, it is only sad that people live under the illusion of choice. The gods are not exempt to this - for the moment they first drew breath, their fate had been written.

* * *

 

Finally, when the surrender happens and the skies are clearer, remnants of the fumes slowly dissipating, Mayuzumi walks through the doors and rides the ferryman’s boat to him. Less souls leave the plane of the living that night, though more are buried, and so the job is still heavy in magnitude.

The ferryman has ash grey hair just like him, but more menacing eyes, perhaps. He speaks after they are out of sight from the Judgement Pavilion. “You visit The Isles more and more these days.” He points out.

And Mayuzumi bites his tongue, because there’s no need to be so hostile. If anything, Haizaki Shogo is somewhat of an outcast himself, and more bark than bite. The few of them have to stick together, maybe. It’s not the first time Haizaki has spoken to him, but the first time in a long while. More than a century has passed since the last time they’ve spoken to one another.

“He’s the one who makes it possible.” Mayuzumi tells him. Haizaki smirks wryly.

“Yes - powerful little thing, isn’t he? That’s awfully convenient, considering they don’t dare say a word about it because _his_ word cannot be questioned.” [1]

Mayuzumi bristles at the way Haizaki addresses Akashi, and the implications his statement contains. “You’re one to talk, considering how you sneak time in between trials to hog The Arbiter all to yourself.”

“He allows it, and I go an awful long way to see him,” Haizaki says defensively. Mayuzumi knows there’s truth in that statement, so he shrugs. A grin starts forming in Haizaki’s face.

“I wonder what he saw in you.”

Mayuzumi grimaces. “Believe me, I wonder that too.”

And then he walks through the gates of Elysium, and traverses, in flight, the vast sea that leads him to the Isles of the Blessed. [2]

In the shadow of one of the trellises, Akashi anticipates him, his hands caressing a tendril of white wisteria.

Six years usually isn’t a long time. It’s just a stepping stone in a long, long future Mayuzumi has, but with how Akashi had been burned into the back of his mind, every fiber of his being recalling what they’ve done together and what they could do all over again upon his return - the moment of reunion then becomes treasured in some immense way, his patience cut short. Both of them have never been very patient beings.

“Welcome back.” Akashi says, and Mayuzumi feels like he’s truly home – like he’s fought a war too, and that for Akashi, he has come back.

Mayuzumi sits on the stark white bench, and feels the passing breeze stir his grey locks.

“I want to stay here for a bit.”

They enter the realm of time, where their corner of the world is seen, an inkling in a vast realm of possibility and coexistence. Time flows around them like a current, and Akashi makes it freeze through his will. Only they move in their sanctuary, the other gods a faraway whisper.  

“So stay.”

It takes too much power, even for Akashi, to stop the gods from moving alongside the rest of the world, but the gods always do seem to forget about them, and it is no coincidence, so they relish in each other’s companionable silence, till Mayuzumi closes his eyes and recedes into sleep.

Akashi fully intends to keep quiet about how Mayuzumi leaned onto his shoulder moments later. It becomes one of his fondest memories, even amidst the fatigue he feels from preventing the fabric of time from moving for so long.  

This is what it is like to live - not only for oneself, but for someone else too.

He finally understands, and it connects him to a world that has always been at the tip of his fingers.

* * *

 

It is wrong to think there is a war that will end all wars, but many hope that the better times will last.

They don’t, not really. Mayuzumi and Akashi share their musings to each other in the refuge of frozen time. Not much has changed about the humans and the gods – there are more treaties, more threats of war that loom above humanity like shadows – it is an endless cycle of repetition, only in different form. The gods themselves have their own disputes – they are things of envy, and in constant need of something to indulge in, no matter what the consequence.

As their lips mesh together, Akashi’s eyebrows dip low and his hand rests on Mayuzumi’s head, as if to say he shouldn’t ask any more questions – which simply fair, because Mayuzumi wants answers too, because these days, there is a sadness in Akashi’s eyes that he can’t quite explain. It never fades. A feeling of foreboding creeps into him, but it is Akashi who has control, no matter how hard he tries. The slightest touch, and Mayuzumi is at his mercy.

He can’t remember a time when this wasn’t a case – it is almost as if from the very beginning, it has all led to this.

He fights back. His gaze is defiant, and Akashi stares.

“Is it me?”

Akashi’s eyes widen slightly. Mayuzumi observes the slight moment where he averts his gaze, but meets his own back with firm disposition.

“I was wondering up till when I could keep up this selfish obsession.” Akashi admits, as if taking off the weight that has burdened his shoulders. It is strange to hear from Akashi a question of time – it is even ironic, coming from the god of time himself.

“Care to enlighten me how it’s selfish, then?”

“The gods have come to believe that I am neglecting my responsibilities. They wish to revoke me of my power.”

To say Mayuzumi is enraged is an understatement.  “And why do the gods care now?” Emptiness. He feels it then, and it haunts him – he can’t go back to that, but he doesn’t seem to have any other choice.

“Because it concerns them, and because they would give anything to have the power that I possess. The situation is most certainly convenient, and they have not approached you on the matter because attaining the titular powers of the god of death will burden them of something they do not desire.”

“This is unfair. You do realize that, right? That we could appeal to the king-”

“Regardless of whether it is unfair or not,” Akashi cuts him off, “It does not change the fact that our meetings will have to be at a bare minimum.”

Because Mayuzumi understands.

Akashi has seen too much. If he is to be rid of his powers and transformed into a mortal, he will have to die. The gods cannot risk him revealing his knowledge to the world. It is also a double-edged sword, because if Akashi is to be bestowed a different power and permitted to keep his immortality (which is highly unlikely), they will not have time’s hand, and it is Mayuzumi who will be condemned for neglecting _his_ duty.

For Akashi to live, he must let him go.

It is the highest form of sacrifice – for the both of them.

“Since when have you known this?”

It is not even a question of how much Akashi has been willing to keep this from Mayuzumi, because perhaps it has only been days – but for how long he has foreseen this, for the god of time sees all at some point, and that only seeks to add to the matter.

“How are you not willing to fight back? Or is it because I am not worth it after all, and you have realized that? While it is true that I am not worth the expense of your life-”

“Is there a point in fighting a losing battle, Chihiro?”

This renders Mayuzumi speechless. Akashi does seem to genuinely be in pain, however his countenance may look. There is no effort to hide it either, as it slips through the cracks of Akashi’s façade – he feels just as deeply as Mayuzumi does - as far as they are capable of.

“… If you won’t, then I’ll do it.”

Akashi doesn’t stop him.

* * *

 

Mayuzumi enters the domain of The Keeper of Gifts and god of heavenly bargains. Imayoshi Shoichi takes his attention away from the chess board, and grins.

“Ah, Mayuzumi, I was expecting you. What can I do for you on this lovely day? Have a seat.” He gestures to one of the white stools surrounding the large circular table in center of the room. It’s perfectly impersonal, a place where no doubt many have bargained for something – just like Mayuzumi will.

“I’m sure you have something to do with what’s happened.”

“You come to ask for something and greet me with an accusation? That’s rather rude, Mayuzumi. You’ll have to persuade me in a different way.”

“I’ll cut to the chase – what can I do to lift the consequential propositions?”

“Well, essentially nothing, except that is, to take his place - but even then, the gods will not agree. It will simply be too convenient for you, and nothing in it for them.” Imayoshi says matter-of-factly. “We play by their rules - you know that very well, and I’m sure your beloved Akashi does too. If I act of my own accord without their permission, you know that’ll put me in a difficult position, and I can’t have that.”

Mayuzumi can’t care less what happens to Imayoshi, but Imayoshi does seem apologetic, for what it’s worth.

“You came here knowing that,” Imayoshi says, “So why? Tell me, Mayuzumi, when you know he will fight his own battles if he could, and would never turn to you to fight them for him?”

Because…

Because he values what he and Akashi have.

Because he’d dared to be hopeful, for once in his eternal life.

And now, he knows he’d been foolish to think he could be anything like that.

All it has brought him is disappointment.

* * *

He goes to the Isles of the Blessed that very same day, heavy-hearted. The stars litter the night sky, and the goddess of the moon, the friend of lovers, smiles sadly from her palace in the sky.

Akashi greets him not looking the slightest bit disappointed. If anything, he looks to be grateful.

Mayuzumi hates the fact that Akashi can tell him ‘I told you so’. He hates that Akashi is right again, and maybe Akashi does too.

 No words are exchanged after that - except for goodbye.

* * *

 

He sighs to himself, whispering something as Mayuzumi leaves. He hopes the winds carry the words to him.

_Thank you._

* * *

 

There is no way to reverse time, no way to go back – yet there is a way to see it again as a spectator, and that is just what Akashi does, as he reconstructs around him the scenery of those days, pulling at the strings that make the fabric of time that bend to his will. He tightens his grip on them, watching like how one watches a play unfold, and finds peace in that they have found their own form of happiness.

Then he lets go, and all returns to the way it was. The wind caresses his cheeks, reminiscent of a tender touch he might never feel again.

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **STOP HERE IF YOU LIKE SAD ENDINGS!**  
>  Proceed to ch 2 if you like happy endings, tho a special request for moonie, pls don't read ch 2 just yet. XD Not directly after reading ch 1, bc ch 1 really is how the fic was supposed to end (tho the ENTIRE CONCEPT of the fic changed halfway, the original ending of the original concept was very weird and didn't make much sense thinking abt it)  
> Please tell me what you thought about it <3 Thank you for reading!


	2. Alternate Ending [When Something Ends, Another Thing Begins]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So why does this exist? Past the kinda sad ending of the fic (chapter 1), I realized that there was something clearly wrong and it couldn't truly be goodbye for them. They would find ways.  
> Thooooo if anything, I actually prefer the ending of chapter 1, and I'm sure you would too. @Moonie xD Nevertheless, here's the alternate ending of this one-shot. :)

At a point in time - 

 _T_ o _Chihiro,_

_It has been a while. This will probably come as a surprise to you, and perhaps it will remind you of things that have long since passed - things that you've put behind you -  but it hadn't occurred to me at the time to tell you what I truly felt. I have had plenty of time to sort my thoughts. I'm sure you have too, and felt that you deserved to know._

_It is no secret that we are bound to our responsibilities, but perhaps as an act of defiance to the fate that has been written for us, I should want you to know that while we cannot do all the things that we want to do, I have chosen to write to you regardless, a way that I thought would give us a chance to start anew. It is also a way, I think, to make us realize that we must take every chance we get, if we are to desire a semblance of what we used to have._

_But of course, if you do not feel the same way as I do, I will not place any blame on you, and I will understand. If there is anything I value about you, it is your honesty. Amidst all that has changed, I hope that hasn't. Any response is a response I am willing to take, so long as it's from you._

_Yours truly,_

_Seijuurou_

Mayuzumi closes the letter, meeting a pair of intrigued golden eyes. He relives the image of Akashi - not that he has ever forgotten, but he imagines Akashi writing this on his lap. Kise on his winged sandals hovers above him, seeming to watch him in a renewed light. It's a peculiar look, and Mayuzumi tells him to drop it.

"So," Kise starts, arms crossed, "What will your reply be?"

"... Am I to understand that you know the content of every reply that is sent through you?"

Kise nods enthusiastically.

"Of course, I can't violate my oath of confidentiality - and I don't really have any intention to, to be honest? - so I can assure you that whatever I hear from you will stay in safe keeping. Take my word for it!"

"And... there's no option that I write it on my own?" He's starting to wonder what the time they've spent away from each other has done to Akashi, for him to ask the services of Kise Ryouta instead of, well, the rainbow goddess, for example.

"Well, of course there is, but I always assume most people are too lazy for that."

"I'll write then."

While he's writing, Kise talks on behind him, not really minding if he's listening or not. "I must say, this is the first time I've gotten something out of you. I don't think you had any friends before Akashicchi."

"Well," Mayuzumi considered this, "Neither did he."

"True!" Kise says, "And that's what makes it so special. It makes the trip worth it, in my opinion. You can't imagine how horrible it is to travel through the Underworld for me - I  _hate_  it there. I mean, I love Elysium, and the Fields of Asphodel are okay, but that's about it."

He takes the letter that Mayuzumi holds out, and seals it.

* * *

 

_To Akashi,_

_I had a feeling something like this would come, but don't trust me about being omniscient. Being omniscient is your job._

_We're no strangers to waiting at this point. Of course I'm willing, idiot. I do have to question your life choices though, having Kise deliver the messages - or is it because there's some limit to Iris messages I don't know about? I'm only glad I got to stop you from making more horrible life choices before you started committing more of them. And thinking about it, I just can't leave you alone._

_And it's clear I wasn't the only one missing someone then. I guess we both don't know when to give up, and that's something I'll continue to be thankful for. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm glad we talked that day._

_This had better not be the last message from you, because it probably isn't for me._

_Chihiro_

* * *

 

While they've lost a battle, it's clear that they've gained something in return. Mayuzumi wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

 


End file.
